1. Stay at the Terribles Hotel and Casino.
   The exotic dancers in Vegas don’t even go here to hang out, it is more of a dishwashers and drunks type of place. As seedy as it is, the rooms are $69 bucks a night (with a $26 Sunday room). Beers are $2.50 at the bar, its one mile from the strip and you don’t have to worry about being harassed by “ladies of the night”. (A lot of pilots stay here.)
2. The secret to drinking for free in Vegas.
   Ever heard of penny slots? (Slot machines where the minimum bet is one cent). This is brainless, you go with a couple buddies and don’t want to spend $100 to get into TAO and $15-$25 a drink once you’re there. All you need to do is sit at the penny slots with about $3 each, play a few rounds and when the waitress comps you a drink, stop playing and wait while you hang out and drink. If she comes back through before your done hit the button again. Spin every once in a while to be safe, sit there and get hammered, then go walk the town.

   

3. Don’t take a taxi.
   It isn’t that far of a walk from any of the cheaper hotels to the strip. Bring a good pair of sneakers and hoof it, you prob could use a break from sitting on your butt anyway. Taxi’s in Vegas are billed on time, not mileage. A one mile ride can cost you $16 if you hit every light, or there is bad traffic. (There is only one time a taxi is free, when you are going to a gentleman’s club. With $30-$50 cover charges, you wont be going there if you’re broke.) Don’t forget, you’re hotel has an airport shuttle that doesn’t cost you a dime to get to and from McCarran International.
4. Hijack the buffet.
   There is no cheaper way to eat than a Vegas buffet. On my most recent trip, the Terribles buffet was $7.99 for breakfast, $9.99 for lunch, and $11.99 for the “shrimp and prime rib” dinner. Take whatever you can carry with you when you leave, especially if it has natural containers, or isn’t sloppy. (Bananas, apples, donuts, pastries,  hard boiled eggs, single serving boxes of cereal, etc.) If you can pull it off, load up a to go container with a final buffet trip right before leaving.
5. Don’t go to a gentleman’s club!
   If you must see a hard body in a bikini stop by the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino, pole dancers are just part of the bar area. The beer is a little more expensive, but you could have 3-6 beers for the price of the cover charge at the “other” club. If you must see this type of entertainment, I have a secret that can help you out (ask me).
6. Ellis Island Casino & Brewery.
   Another seedy local hangout about one block from the strip across from the Bellagio. The bartenders are nice, and they still have gaming. (Stop gambling you addict!) Why Ellis Island? Free karaoke, and 20oz exotic pints that cost… wait for it… $1.50.
7. If you smoke, never buy cigarettes in a casino.
   Smokes can cost $10-$14 in a casino. One mile off the strip at a gas station or liquor store they are $4-$5. Get off your butt and take a walk.
8. Diablo Cantina.
   You have to have one great meal while your in Las Vegas, make it here. The food is spectacular, and not much more expensive than your average TGIFriday’s. Every 30 minutes during happy hour, the bartender has a customer of his choice spin a big wheel that lands on a new drink special.
9. Make friends with a local.
   I wouldn’t advise buddying up with a taxi driver, a drunk, drug dealer, or someone passing out prostitute ads. Maybe the guy or girl working the desk at your hotel or a Starbucks. The Vegas working class are usually very kind, hard working individuals and if you have the right personality, are more than happy to show you around in exchange for a few drinks. Remember, these are people that work for a living and cant afford to do TAO either.
10. Afraid of the pool at your cheaper than life hotel?
    You can always poach time at a big casino, how are they going to know if you just walk in with sandals on and a towel over your shoulder?

    

11. Go see the only free show in Vegas.
    The Pirate Show at Treasure Island. The Pirate Show takes place outside of the casino, just feet from the sidewalk. All you have to do to enjoy the beauty of this show is sit there, watch and listen.

    

If you have more tips on doing Las Vegas cheap, or have questions… don’t be afraid to drop me a line.

Images  © James H. Pickett
Do not use without permission.

1. Bumper stickers.
   Ok, you are a pro-lifer, good for you and whoop tee doo. The only people that really care are your fellow fetus preachers and a few select politicians. What if you are pulled over by a female officer that has had an abortion? Maybe you are a deer hunting country man that supports the NRA and the trooper that just pulled you over has a son that was killed by an unsecured rifle  at a friends house? Rainbow triangle? You may as well put a sticker on your car that says “I welcome hate crimes from bigots.” Everyone has demons that haunt them, and everyone has things they hate… Keep em off your car you idiot.
2. The baseball cap.
   Style is something in our country, it is a something that lives and breathes and walks the streets next to you. I’m not saying you cant wear a hat, rock whatever hat you want, but be aware… A baseball cap is a sign of youth and a red flag to anyone with a badge.
3. The Hooded sweatshirt.
   Next time you are driving and you see someone with their hood up while driving a car ask yourself, seriously, how does that look? It does not matter who is under that hood, they look like a punk. Aside from the clear social implications as to why you would be pulled over you are thinking, “They cany just pull me over for wearing a hoodie.” Unfortunately, you are wrong, it is considered and obstruction of view. Just put it down while you are driving.
4. Anything hanging from your rear view mirror.
   Not to sound redundant, but this is also an obstruction of view and all the probable cause an officer needs to pull you over. Another thing to remember, especially the ladies, those mardi gras beads are a sign that says “I drink alcohol and love it!”
5. Window tint.
   Window tint is legal in some states, and at varying percentages of darkness in others, but there is one bottom line; the police can’t see into the vehicle. This makes police nervous, if the tint is dark enough, they cant see if you have a gun on the other side. Your state has some kind of window tint law, and checking to see if your tint is in compliance with that law, is probable cause.
6. Cell phone.
   “But my state doesn’t have a cell phone law.” AND? Think about this for a second, law or not, you look at your phone to dial, you swerve a mere six inches and you have still swerved. You are now driving erratically. You didn’t go over either of the lines? A swerve is a swerve and that… is probable cause. We all talk on the phone when we drive, just use your head and don’t dial until you are at a red light and use the speaker phone feature. Did a lightbulb just go off in your head?
7. Bangin’ your system as you drive by a cop.
   Are you stupid? Seriously? You know your girlfriend can hear you when your four blocks away so that means… Thats right, the cop can hear you four blocks away too. This isn’t rocket surgery, see the cop hit the mute button or turn it off.
8. Speeding.
   Simple answer is, don’t speed, right? None of us follow the speed limit like we should, but again, a little common sense and a wide open pair of eyes can help you tremendously. Watch all the places a patrol car can hide, or come from. This means watching turn arounds AND on ramps, especially in places you do not normally drive. If you don’t know the area, don’t speed.
9. Did he catch me speeding?
   Maybe he did, but you just don’t know. So, you were right next to another guy who was going the same speed as you, the officer sees a high speed on his radar, what do you do? Chances are the “other guy” hasn’t read this and he will slam on his brakes sending his car into a nose dive and all you do is come off the throttle and let the car gently slow down. You are still going faster than the other guy, however he just got on top of his car with a big giant red flag that says “I WAS THE ONE SPEEDING” by slamming his size ten on the brake pedal. Come off the throttle, downshift if you can, but don’t ever admit guilt by letting the nose of the car dive or your brake lights come on with no one in front of you.
10. iphone speed trap app.
    I love this more than sushi. iphone speed trap app.
11. Watch the flow of traffic.
    Do not, and I mean ever, just drive along in the “fast” lane or passing lane. New York State law dictates that the left two lanes on a three lane highway are for passing only. Most New York State troopers think it is the far left lane only, so you can get away with driving in the middle lane. When they say this lane is for passing only, they mean it, so unless your in gridlock, use it to pass and get back to the middle when your done no matter how fast your going. If you forget, and some ticket happy badge monster is having a bad day he will pull you over.
    

In the event that you need to research a law in New York, you should look to the vehicle and traffic law website. Anything you need is immediately available, and if you need a great traffic lawyer, send me a message.

1. If you have a roofrack on your car that you are not using, take it off.
   Your roofrack, as pimp as it may be to make sure people KNOW you snowboard in the summertime, creates parasitic drag, also known as wind resistance. In english, it takes more force to push your car through the air, using more fuel.
2. How is your alignment? Maybe you should go check that.
   This is another form of drag, called rolling resistance. if your alignment is out, you are literally dragging one or more of your tires sideways a small amout, once again, more work by your motor uses more fuel.
3. Is the air pressure proper in your tires? (check all four).
   This is another form of rolling resistance. Simply put, if you have soggy tires you are increasing the amount of rubber in contact with the road, therefor increasing friction. Go fill ‘em up chuck!
4. You should probably take that big wing off of your car.
   Not just because you aren’t Paul Walker, (really, your not) or it makes you look stupid, but also because it will get you pulled over and it creates more parasitic drag. (See number 1.).
5. When is the last time your air filter was changed?
   Your engine runs on a precise mixture of fuel (gasoline) and air. Motor-”im gonna use this much fuel, i need this much air.” Air filter-”I’m dirty, you can’t have that much air.” Motor-”I’m gonna use that much fuel anyway, guess it just wont burn and will clog me up over time” Air filter-”Damn.” . It has been said that a dirty air filter can kill your gas mileage by as much as 10%.
6. Spark plugs and wires. Yes, seriously.
   Spark plugs create the fire that ignites the fuel in the cylinder of an engine. Bad wires and plugs will create less spark, and leave some unburned fuel to simply vent into your exhaust, literally pouring fuel you just paid for down a tube. 
7. Stop letting your friends play mailbox baseball in the summer.
   Unless of course she is attractive and wearing low cut jeans with a thong. (you may get harassed by your state and local law enforcement if your passenger is male.) See also number 1., parasitic drag.
8. Don’t use your air conditioning.
   But its hot out! Who cares. We are trying to get to a gas station that is 24 miles away and the gas light came on 29 miles ago.  This is just another form of parasitic resistance, but it happens entirely under your hood and wastes A LOT of fuel.
9. Take the tennis ball off of your antenna.
   And bring the plastic window deer antlers back to Big Lots while your at it, you couldn’t find your car at a dead show in 1985, but your car has not alluded you in two decades. (other than the little pieces of rust that run away on occasion.) Jerry Garcia knows where your car is and he’s dead. Drop the car jewelry, it’s more parasitic drag killing your wallet.
10. Take the excess weight out of your car, this means the trunk too.
    Whats easier, pushing a ten pound ball up a hill or pushing a 200 pound ball up a hill? Believe it or not, your car thinks the ten pound ball is easier too and remember, more work needs more power. One available statistic is that you lose 2% gas mileage for every 100 pounds of extra weight you have in your vehicle. If the above fails, kick out a human being and roll solo.
11. Don’t pick up Amy Winehouse, regardless of her promises.
    Insert dead weight joke here.